Should have been done long time ago
Sometimes thinking about your past and observing your daily habits gives you a whole Idea on how much you have changed in core . The news is I have not changed a bit , just chose to worship Allah the all mighty , but the rest is still the same , I find out that I have not settled the old problems that controlled my mind for a long while , living well meant finishing the old stories and put them into bed or in wrapped boxes not half open for a better chance to do things better maybe later.
This methology will allow me to move on to another level , Dear Lord I know this is late , but they say it is never too late.
I had this conversation that took me a few years back to settle the score , the problem this time, there are no people to settle the score with , some of them have died already ( I am not that old) but some died and some lived on , yet I still have their files half open keeping my head untidy which makes moving a little bit hard in there.
The way to close the old files is to forgive my self for what happened , see I never blame anyone for anything bad that happened , I only blame my self , I should have done better , yet some of the files are over than 15 years old , so I will have to close them in a way to allow my self for the mistakes I have done and for allowing others that far.
To go there it took me a few old songs that I am still listening to as I write this post , , , Yeah I am listening to counting crows ( Round Here ) this is making it easier to stand up straight at that time that place. So now I am there , shall I forgive or discuss the details with my self and argue or simply ask for forgiveness or give it. What is forgiveness anyway , what does it mean? This is something that should be done perfectly sealed and put in the back yard of my mind. Let’s hope it becomes more tidy.
September 1st, 2009 at 3:24 pm
You said your age is what? 31 years? living in Jordan, I suppose and trying to measure the amount of change you have gone through? hey!! I’m I right?
good!! But I don’t understand. You seem to think that worshiping God is the change. Otherwise you have settled nothing of the old problems that controlled your mind.
Dear gentlemen:
I think you’ve settled nothing at all. Worshiping God is not a feat. It is as simple as merely following instructions of 15 centuries ago of how to make ablution and bow and throw yourself prostate on the ground, I don’t know how many times a day.
I think that truthful and honest worshipers would not make an issue of such a mundane practice that needs only a docile un-investigative mind, something that have been nourishing and bringing up generation after generation of slaves throughout history.
When I moved to the second paragraph of your article, I found that you look like a thirsty traveler trying to reach the shores of dancing mirage, realizing in the end that there is nothing: no problems to settle; no people to settle the score with. And still you insist that there is a file of problems and people!!!
Another question: You blame yourself for what? for living your life!? It is strange.
wake up, dear.
You said at one point that you woke up and decided to close the files of 15 years ago. No don’t. When you grow up to better and fuller maturity, you shall be proud of what you did then. perhaps your personal past shall be your guide to understanding young people better.
You may reconsider these questionings as displayed in this piece of writing as mere hallucinations of a young mind, or groping in the dark for a thin ray of light.
I think you’re about to creep past the darkness of your self-made cave. Keep crawling up the the inclining slope. W shall meet up in the open sunny fresh air, I am sure
September 1st, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Dear God ,
You do sound like my father , but anyway let’s talk about me , since it is my blog..
I said the only thing that have changed in me was that I worshiped God, the rest of my mind is still as is.
Now let’s clarify something here, the untidy boxes in the back of my head are only things that I have not taken decisions of , like something that still hurts from the past , these things must be closed , closed in a sense that they should be filed , named and wrapped. mainly these were the things I was talking about.
As for the worshiping description , it is really not like that , simply to feel it you should do it , when you try a Yoga lesson , you will never be relaxed until you finish the yoga lesson exactly as it is said in the book of Yoga , even if that meant you stand on your head??? now that is weird, for people like me , but for those who tried it it works, so does praying and Worshiping Allah , it is only a matter of experiencing the action as it is asked of you not as you like it to be, or you will never know, and please don’t tell me that you do know, just don’t start thinking of a shallow feeling that crosses your mind as you read this sentence , just simply be brave enough to try it and trust Allah.
Well I have nothing to settle anymore , all wrapped up. I have learned to forgive and let go , but maybe not forget , it is very hard for a human to stay angry for more than Ten years , and if they do they will get used to the burden they carry on their shoulders , see the problem is recognizing that your past is already a past , you can do nothing about it , but you can deal with it.
Lovely words ya 3ammo, I really enjoyed reading them… thank you and i will consider your thoughts