المرقاب

Sometimes thinking about your past and observing your daily habits gives you a whole Idea on how much you have changed in core . The news is I have not changed a bit , just chose to worship Allah the all mighty , but the rest is still the same , I find out that I have not settled the old problems that controlled my mind for a long while , living well meant finishing the old stories and put them into bed or in wrapped boxes not half open for a better chance to do things better maybe later.
This methology will allow me to move on to another level , Dear Lord I know this is late , but they say it is never too late.
I had this conversation that took me a few years back to settle the score , the problem this time, there are no people to settle the score with , some of them have died already ( I am not that old) but some died and some lived on , yet I still have their files half open keeping my head untidy which makes moving a little bit hard in there.
The way to close the old files is to forgive my self for what happened , see I never blame anyone for anything bad that happened , I only blame my self , I should have done better , yet some of the files are over than 15 years old , so I will have to close them in a way to allow my self for the mistakes I have done and for allowing others that far.
To go there it took me a few old songs that I am still listening to as I write this post , , , Yeah I am listening to counting crows ( Round Here ) this is making it easier to stand up straight at that time that place. So now I am there , shall I forgive or discuss the details with my self and argue or simply ask for forgiveness or give it. What is forgiveness anyway , what does it mean? This is something that should be done perfectly sealed and put in the back yard of my mind. Let’s hope it becomes more tidy.

Well , Never listen to someone who is analyzing the world and claiming that he knows because he sits on his sofa ( Matres ) listening only to the news or watching how the world is moving through the series he watches. Knowledge needs more than getting indoctrinated by a full meal of brainwashers

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining in the clouds
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing
But I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You’re a silver lining the clouds
Oh, and I
Oh, and I
I wonder what it’s all about [x2]

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and thats the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
Yeah, thats the hardest part
That’s the hardest part

Coldplay The Hardest Part

You look up to the highest skies ,
And You see that soul put in his eyes,
He looks back and smiles with joy ,
And says : “ I’ll be fine just don’t go;
Distance will only hurt my soul ,
And all you’ll add is that I will miss you.”
Its Time to be there, not to play God,
For the choices we make will rise up high,
And will come back with rewards ;
Lights have the will to guide (they say);
Signs , if you look , are everywhere (they claim);
Different roads in life will lead the same way
Down under the ground or burnt to sail ;
Deeper thoughts will make you pay;
Higher hopes are over your head;
Probably your path is one big MAZE;
Can you hold on ?
You can’t turn away from what you thought you were meant to face;
It is your path and not theirs;
Have you played GOD once again?
Leaves fall , on your way ,
Colorfull enough to find out they have already been dead ,
With winds of scared trees ;
Afraid they won’t be next year here.
Leaves a clear path ahead while your stuck again?
Have you drawn the line or even crashed the myths
Between dream , facts or the claimed gray,
Try to be who you are , and Loud this time,
Share enough to be known not to force a stream; And
Could you simply be there?

I sometimes think about the easy means to deliver ideas to others , and the thought takes me places where we can do magic , magic to creat thoughts in food , pictures , sounds , cities , or maybe like smoke in the air so that others can inhale your Ideas without even thinking about it , abrakadabra and the thought just as it is in the head of others…

I has never been like this , the more you think know people the harder it becomes to deliver your thoughts to them , because they know you and know what you think , so it will be like rushing in the football feild with the ball stuck with a defender who knows you very well , smilies provokingly in your face evey time you fail to pass through. At that specific time any choice you take to pass through him will be a gamble because he is thinking the same way. isn’t it funny? the more you know people the more you become minipulative since you are using different methods and aspects based on your knowledge of him.
Yes I do know that this talk is primitive for the knowers , but it only recently came to life with me.
This is why talks will never convince , because every one has his/her own Media City in his head , commercially managed by his own. and the thought of brining in new thoughts just like that makes us too proud to accept them( the thoughts) , so I guess it will need a flauless model just to move around, Oh my God I said it. ( the around word)
It would be nice to find that flaueless character , how easy can it be , there you go , he is doing it like that , he is doing it like this , he is singing now , he does not play cards after breakfast . Strange metephors ? well we have been copycatting stupid and empty models.
I think I said too much , I said enough, I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing , I THINK I THOUGHT I SAW YOU CRY, but that was just a dream Just a dream JUST A DREAM

Oh man , I can never stop writing these big words with a stereo type meaning that helps my musical side in the left brain right there behind the shelf.
The minute I think about such words i directly imagine that I am very thin with a blond hair , ill face becasue of the hash and drugs , with a guitar laying next to me , and girls around me and I am abscent minded , thinking of how can i get out of this fame cirlce that ate my life away.
This is really funny , becasue I am a man who lives away from this pictures over more than a thousand miles , I am not thin , I am not blond , and I do not have girls around me because I am not allowed because of my religion and ethics , besides I am married, and I am never abscent minded.
And whatever is in that picture I despize , so what is the problem with me who do I think I am , how dare me contradict with myself’s image

Far Away

How can you sleep when all you can here are screams?
How can you even go to bed?
When all they have are the streets
Moan in pain
Hungry and desperate
Fighting to just to keep sane

It is hard to keep the faith
Harder even to let go
When all you do is watch the news
When all you do is shed a tear
Or maybe two

We aren’t the victims here
They are
We aren’t the villains either
They are
We are the human limbo
We are born and then we die
We are not killed nor saved
On the side lines of life we remain

Covering our faces very tight
Peaking from the cracks of our fingers
Shivering hiding wishing it to go away

The past was glorious, we are told
Knights of our times
Angels on the horses of hope
Yet we are lost
Far away from home
Far away from home

Sleep tight my dear, they have stopped
Sweet dreams
You won’t hear them anymore
They promised not to scream

you know I love u
I have deactivated my facebook account
I have cut off all my phone lines
I have rented a cave
I have strugled not to shave
I have grown my sower seed
I have turned off all my fears
I will call u , you won’t pick up
If you even still have an ear
I can go on like this for ever
long enough to make you scream
but I will choose to stop to prove
to your highness that I am saine