المرقاب

Sometimes thinking about your past and observing your daily habits gives you a whole Idea on how much you have changed in core . The news is I have not changed a bit , just chose to worship Allah the all mighty , but the rest is still the same , I find out that I have not settled the old problems that controlled my mind for a long while , living well meant finishing the old stories and put them into bed or in wrapped boxes not half open for a better chance to do things better maybe later.
This methology will allow me to move on to another level , Dear Lord I know this is late , but they say it is never too late.
I had this conversation that took me a few years back to settle the score , the problem this time, there are no people to settle the score with , some of them have died already ( I am not that old) but some died and some lived on , yet I still have their files half open keeping my head untidy which makes moving a little bit hard in there.
The way to close the old files is to forgive my self for what happened , see I never blame anyone for anything bad that happened , I only blame my self , I should have done better , yet some of the files are over than 15 years old , so I will have to close them in a way to allow my self for the mistakes I have done and for allowing others that far.
To go there it took me a few old songs that I am still listening to as I write this post , , , Yeah I am listening to counting crows ( Round Here ) this is making it easier to stand up straight at that time that place. So now I am there , shall I forgive or discuss the details with my self and argue or simply ask for forgiveness or give it. What is forgiveness anyway , what does it mean? This is something that should be done perfectly sealed and put in the back yard of my mind. Let’s hope it becomes more tidy.

Well , Never listen to someone who is analyzing the world and claiming that he knows because he sits on his sofa ( Matres ) listening only to the news or watching how the world is moving through the series he watches. Knowledge needs more than getting indoctrinated by a full meal of brainwashers

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining in the clouds
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing
But I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You’re a silver lining the clouds
Oh, and I
Oh, and I
I wonder what it’s all about [x2]

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and thats the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
Yeah, thats the hardest part
That’s the hardest part

Coldplay The Hardest Part

You look up to the highest skies ,
And You see that soul put in his eyes,
He looks back and smiles with joy ,
And says : “ I’ll be fine just don’t go;
Distance will only hurt my soul ,
And all you’ll add is that I will miss you.”
Its Time to be there, not to play God,
For the choices we make will rise up high,
And will come back with rewards ;
Lights have the will to guide (they say);
Signs , if you look , are everywhere (they claim);
Different roads in life will lead the same way
Down under the ground or burnt to sail ;
Deeper thoughts will make you pay;
Higher hopes are over your head;
Probably your path is one big MAZE;
Can you hold on ?
You can’t turn away from what you thought you were meant to face;
It is your path and not theirs;
Have you played GOD once again?
Leaves fall , on your way ,
Colorfull enough to find out they have already been dead ,
With winds of scared trees ;
Afraid they won’t be next year here.
Leaves a clear path ahead while your stuck again?
Have you drawn the line or even crashed the myths
Between dream , facts or the claimed gray,
Try to be who you are , and Loud this time,
Share enough to be known not to force a stream; And
Could you simply be there?

I sometimes think about the easy means to deliver ideas to others , and the thought takes me places where we can do magic , magic to creat thoughts in food , pictures , sounds , cities , or maybe like smoke in the air so that others can inhale your Ideas without even thinking about it , abrakadabra and the thought just as it is in the head of others…

I has never been like this , the more you think know people the harder it becomes to deliver your thoughts to them , because they know you and know what you think , so it will be like rushing in the football feild with the ball stuck with a defender who knows you very well , smilies provokingly in your face evey time you fail to pass through. At that specific time any choice you take to pass through him will be a gamble because he is thinking the same way. isn’t it funny? the more you know people the more you become minipulative since you are using different methods and aspects based on your knowledge of him.
Yes I do know that this talk is primitive for the knowers , but it only recently came to life with me.
This is why talks will never convince , because every one has his/her own Media City in his head , commercially managed by his own. and the thought of brining in new thoughts just like that makes us too proud to accept them( the thoughts) , so I guess it will need a flauless model just to move around, Oh my God I said it. ( the around word)
It would be nice to find that flaueless character , how easy can it be , there you go , he is doing it like that , he is doing it like this , he is singing now , he does not play cards after breakfast . Strange metephors ? well we have been copycatting stupid and empty models.
I think I said too much , I said enough, I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing , I THINK I THOUGHT I SAW YOU CRY, but that was just a dream Just a dream JUST A DREAM

Oh man , I can never stop writing these big words with a stereo type meaning that helps my musical side in the left brain right there behind the shelf.
The minute I think about such words i directly imagine that I am very thin with a blond hair , ill face becasue of the hash and drugs , with a guitar laying next to me , and girls around me and I am abscent minded , thinking of how can i get out of this fame cirlce that ate my life away.
This is really funny , becasue I am a man who lives away from this pictures over more than a thousand miles , I am not thin , I am not blond , and I do not have girls around me because I am not allowed because of my religion and ethics , besides I am married, and I am never abscent minded.
And whatever is in that picture I despize , so what is the problem with me who do I think I am , how dare me contradict with myself’s image

Far Away

How can you sleep when all you can here are screams?
How can you even go to bed?
When all they have are the streets
Moan in pain
Hungry and desperate
Fighting to just to keep sane

It is hard to keep the faith
Harder even to let go
When all you do is watch the news
When all you do is shed a tear
Or maybe two

We aren’t the victims here
They are
We aren’t the villains either
They are
We are the human limbo
We are born and then we die
We are not killed nor saved
On the side lines of life we remain

Covering our faces very tight
Peaking from the cracks of our fingers
Shivering hiding wishing it to go away

The past was glorious, we are told
Knights of our times
Angels on the horses of hope
Yet we are lost
Far away from home
Far away from home

Sleep tight my dear, they have stopped
Sweet dreams
You won’t hear them anymore
They promised not to scream

you know I love u
I have deactivated my facebook account
I have cut off all my phone lines
I have rented a cave
I have strugled not to shave
I have grown my sower seed
I have turned off all my fears
I will call u , you won’t pick up
If you even still have an ear
I can go on like this for ever
long enough to make you scream
but I will choose to stop to prove
to your highness that I am saine

Its time to wake up as they moan
if that doesn’t wake you , then
there is something in your head
And its hard to wake up in the night
Cuz yearn is here by my side

Its wrong to be them in the dark
you will know where yourself to find
Build a ladder to the sun and make it your Own

It’s time to make another wish
It is time to take another walk
Try to hurry they’re on that tide

We were KINGS

We were kings of our time
we had lots of hope inside
yet yeah we will come again
far away from home .
far away from home .
far away from home.

We were knights of the lands
we inherited this life ,
ups and downs were our stick
Even magic ran from our eyes,
We existed in they’re hearts
we made peace and war apart,
all to come back strong again
to this world
Far away from home
we will come back again
Far away from home .

Dear World ,( ARTH )

Have nothing to do with my life , I am sick of your intentions that never showed me but conspiracy and other bad faces whenever there are clients of yours. Leaving me alone with all the effects of your members will give you benefits starting that I will leave you alone , propaganding to the ignorant members that haven’t seen your real face that you are nothing but a garbage can for the members who revolute over your short termed rules and the ones who will never see your real face that I am the one who controls you, you are so pathetic when it comes to life itself , you show me nothing of the real stuff I need , it is only about what you can show , your promises all go down the drain as far As I am concerned you know why ??? because I have tried you so many times and trusted your ability to do stuff and it was only promises like a science fiction movie with high ability for imagination audience, the hero flies they think they can, the hero kills the bad in one butt shake , they go out thinking it is that easy well dear world it is not …
I will get this out of my chest to the members of this deceiving world, the World can give you nothing, it is numb, only a portrait drown by the creator , go back to the painter and ask for luck , do not be illuded by the charming colors of this world , only think of the painter to be able to see the paint brush , to be able to see the beautiful frame ask the painter ….
Are you awake yet????
No?
ok , listen to this , the deceiving beauty of this world is based on the soil that is fed by your dead bodies.
The white clouds are not good , they mean there is no water .
The smooth winds only make you think clearly but in face it means no food.
The beautiful girls ? that is something that will be only shown to the ones who are trying to be part of the outer beauty of the deceiving world. They mean shallow.
Think about your own life , which part of it that really is ever lasting ?? Which part of your world will help you inside your head when you think about lights and guide lines , the easy Roads of the world take you down hill…
I have to vent this off my chest.

REGARDS

Well as old as this phrase may sound , but it is an essential thought to be able to proceed steps ahead without getting surprises about yourself that never were thought about before. Most spiritual guiders advise followers to know themselves before facing any kind of crowds who will eventually ask questions that might get personal and put you to the ground before you even know it.
Knowing ones self starts usually by recognizing the defaults that developed in our minds , due to beating here or there or a fall on the head or maybe some bad news from the TV, or maybe occupied territory of a land that you can never resolve , or maybe a couple of years with the worst boss in the world , or maybe the death of someone or something very close to you… Etc.
After that becomes the words of Wisdom of how to deal with these defaults , which eventually may be a full solution of mind shifting techniques or pepper by pepper technique , they both work .
Then comes the biggest start up of your life , some of us realize that moving forward comes first ,because it will be easier to get rid of the above mentioned dirt( mind defaults) others believe of purification of mind needs a time out of this life.
As we walk along this path everybody will increase their ability and knowledge regarding their red lines and green lines , ability to scream or stay calm , entertainment paths and seriousness , love what for who, are we fighters or not , how to increase power in certain places , and how to be weak in others, what is the exact cause of our living, and what is the price of our souls.
Be careful do not start too late , you might not have time to do all these things. But starting can be any minute now.
Conclusion , you must get into a fight to know how much punches can you take, an how much can you give.

I picked up this article from google as I was researching the subliminal messages we were exposed to just as few as they are , I think what we are facing is a much bigger and stronger effects messages like ” Stop fighting for your land” or ” YOU ARE WEEK ” or “DONT TRY” or “LOVIN IT” , I wonder why is it hard for so many of us to bycott some products the research has just begun and and it is taking me a while to find out the techniques of subliminal messages in Ads , music and videos let alone video games.

By Andrew Dobrow,
“Korean start-up company Xtive has developed an inaudible sound sequence which is said to ward off online game addiction. The details raise our creepiness flags though. The sounds are based on subliminal effects. The sounds repeatedly sequence to tell the player to stop playing, repeating about 10,000 to 20,000 times a second. Xtive says that the sounds go unnoticed by gamers, but are heard by a higher consciousness which is likely to lead to taking a break from playing. The plan seems to allow companies to use this after young users have been monitored for playing over an alotted amount of time. So, instead of having their mommies scream at them, the voices in their head lead the way.

This scares us for a few reasons. Number one, didn’t a few kids kill themselves because of weird subliminal messages in Ozzy Osbourne songs? Ok, the subliminal message might have been slightly different, such as “KILL YOURSELF!”, but aren’t subliminal fundamentally the same? Number two, how long will it take before advertising companies take it upon themselves to profit from this type of brainwashing?”

Believe it or not , if you go to Wikipedia to search FACTUALITY , you will find the page disputed , whcih means even when the source code of Factuality ” Fact means TRUTH ” Factulaity was disputed.
I was sitting after a very long day thinking what is missing in my heart, I have something which feels like an empty space inside my heart or to be logical in my chest , hunger for something , I figured it was hunger for pure facts nothing disputed , contested or counter-factual , I did find a problem reaching an answer after putting myself in other’s shows , others who think about facts as Material stuff , or other who consider Your bank account your only factual statements , or others who consider Family as such or others who consider nature as such or others who consider their leaders as facts , other who think of the light as such . When they do , how can that fact affect thier lives , how can it really make their lives full of it : truth , factuality , it is easy to dispute all that and say that they are not facts , even real light reflection can be disputed , some may dispute God him self . It is not what is factual or not it is how you think about it , and I really don’t take it lightly when looking for the fact , may it be from inside or from above , what I really know for fact is that Facts come from information and gathering apart the informative puzzles to get to some facts , yet even that is prespective. Five senses may allow us to collect info. but what will allow us to see Facts, who will help us , and why do from time to time as we live stop for a while looking for a fact that can make us go on, and when we find one we turn our lives 180 degrees, but that empty feeling in our chests deserves a time out thought to satisfy.

To work alone , is the most easy work you can ever do , when the information is one sided and you look at it as if it makes sense you will be surprised by the ones who read it to classify in words that you will never expect , this issue arouses as you make things in you life easier by simply getting restless and writing more words of any subject that you choose.
We are now getting into a new era in Jordan as people stopped believing in anything but action , for all the ones using words are being made fun of , we have live examples of both , funny we call the ones who take actions “actors” , when the we should start calling them leaders of the silent world , a world empty of NOs full of Noises , can be considered silent in mythologies of the human depth.
The only solution to prosper in this sense is to share information and Ideas with groups of people alike and non-alike , to get reactions of which we will decide how good the thought is, whilst the most improper agenda is to come explaining your thought already in mind that it is complete. Do Not Be Stupid.
After what happened to us in the middle east I am sure that every body thought of Ideas that will help in our mission to be stronger. Make social gatherings talk about them will manasef 3alai.

It will cost the enemy 5JDs per day for each person to be colonized if we were illiterate or non-productive , or even non-blievers “in any thing” ( one who stands for nothing falls for anything) .
How much are you worth???

To Think , to progress , to develope and to prosper individually is the road to the whole mind of the creator , this is why were ordered to think , while we read , not to receive without thinking …( TV way of spreading information)….

The spirit was high , friends , family and others were there just trying to do what they can do least for Gaza, pick a box grap a list , do not add anthing other than what is in the list , finish packing 12 boxes on a wooden plate they will come pick it up, the spirit was high , the cheer leaders were screaming energetically and the friendly atmosphere was everywhere , volunteers were happy laughing and socializing .
I saw a couple of bloggers there , they were not as I expected , I drew a picture in my head , well it seems that I don’t have that gift , but I was glad.
We went home and had dinner and for a while I was tricked by the fulfilling feeling of doing something and a bit reliefed , and I did not want to open the news hoping that what I did in Aramex and in some protests in the street would stop the war over our families in Gaza , maybe hearing that song of Michael heart would , maybe sharing my views on Gaza on facebook would , maybe fighting with an elder who thinks that our government can do nothing except what it is doing and convincing him otherwize would , maybe bycotting the Israeli , american and other Israeli supporting countries’ products’ would , maybe training ourselves for a combat “only training” would , maybe asking the Gov. to bring back the compulsory military training would, maybe blogging till death would , maybe hacking Israeli governmental sites would , and maybe would not make a difference . My point is , whether we are thinking straight or not the only solution will be for us to start trying and bypass the trasition state we are living in that vacumes our mind positited between our beliefs and the ability to take action, to stop postponding our will to take actions even when the war is over , we want a free palestine not a moderate state that lives next to Israel , all the negotiations and peace talk crap goes down the drain when we know that israel has all the cards. it is time to hold more cards in our hands . Thank you Israel for reminding us that our goal is for you to fade away by our force or otherwise. We can do anything we set our minds to , for me I trust Allah , Allah has never let me down, why would he now, if we do it right we can win even if took more than a one life time…

Well I guess the past one week or so I was trying to get to a certain action that would add on the Palestinian Endurance and make all of what happens in Gaza a one step closer to our Ummah Awakening , I failed .

The minute I woke up from my thoughts of Big Hopeful changes , I realized that people are fed up with slogans and logo’s ( my suggestions of an action) even though I still think as a start it would be good , but as I learnt the hard way , we can start on a better level , such thoughts were falling into the ( we have done that) category , Painfully I tried something else I still got shot in the face , well I think the thought of us doing something must start within ones self , but again that is a slogan. Or we should start from our families before going to the outside ( slogan) or change does not come easy we have to fight for it( Slogan) people wake up our sisters and brothers are getting hungry and dieing in GAZA ( slogan?) life is worth nothing without doing something that our grand children can be proud of and benefit from(SLOGAN) we must pray to Allah Do3a2 brothers and sisters( SLOGAN?!!) we have to change our selves in order for Allah to change us( SLOGAN have not be tried).

TAB what are we supposed to do , everything we say or do is categorized under some kind of a stereotype folded paper , and we keep on trying let go the laughs and sarcasm .

I had a dear friend who told me something that may be the answer , he asked me ( why GAZA?) and I said they were in need ( he said why not IRAQ?) I stopped talking to make him go on , and he simply asked me to think about the core problem , it is lack of knowledge , education , and laziness for both. Therefore the best way to start is awareness through teaching and getting taught , spreading the knowledge and understanding each other…

Keeping the above thoughts in mind ” where do we start?”

I know this is not news for everybody , I know Palestine has been colonized by a group of homeless people , I know the Arab world has been living deadly under the new world orders coming and going over our heads , I know that change and super powers are becoming so God Like in our heads we can’t even think about it. I know saying all this will label me in certain ways , and I know that even some will draw a picture for me in their heads and say when they see me ” U LOOK DIFFERENT” I know there are things that were put under the laws of Media to be dangerous and/or untouchable , I know that only Great Countries can handle a history changer and I know that it needs a mature society to accept any kind of change , I know that some of the things that were present in our lives since we were born are getting too irritating to hear about Like the above mentioned or too normal we don’t even bother about them anymore.

BUT , I will not stay quite anymore , we have people next to us just as close as our own relatives who are dieing of hunger , some of disease and some of vengeance , there is no law no food , no electricity , no fuel , even the essential necessities are not available , and I know if I think right they are my and your responsibility , and I know that anything I do will make a difference in this mute leaded world of dummies , I hope I am not being offensive to anyone , but I am only telling the truth , Do something for God’s Sake , you can sing , Paint a poster , write an article even scream for no reason , Silence will kill everyone including you…

We need not to worry anyhow , we are safe on both edges of the equation , whether we choose to sit at home do nothing , even the devil will not have any interest in us or we can choose otherwise where change and hope may come out of the ashes…

In the early hours  of the fifth of november the great surprising news of Obama’s victory was spread in the air of the globe to make all the clean hearted people jump on their feet , HOPEing that he will make a difference , at this point I am not expecting from him any kind of change towards our world only the fact that he is black and his biography gives us the relief that he will understand the mistakes the USA government did.

But again I am not worried , because at that exact moment i was jumping with joy along with the world for a totally different reason but for the same purpose, A son was delivered to this world we named Him Abdullah , ( that is why I am Abu Abdullah …) he drew the smiles in everybody’s hearts for the perfect timing of hope arrival in the whole worlds’ hearts, Yes that is a sign , yes he will be different and will change , I believe that he was never just in his mom’s belly , but he also was aware of the whole truth from Allah, and he was addressed as Abdullah from the begening of time , even before the world existed ,  and he will make a difference , he cried of course when he realized this world is not pretty , he had to use his lungs to breath ( that hurts) he had to really use his mouth to eat ( believe me when you are not use to it , that hurts) but as long as he got his essentials going steadly he will and  already chaged the lives of 8 people he effected them with kindness and love.

I was there in the delivery room breathing with my wife to get the child out to lead , it wasn’t easy , she had to go through all the labor problems and pain , she was kind enough to pray for me when she was in pain, ( or that what I think she did . the Dr. was like a cheer leader , moving all around the room with energy giving orders to this and that , telling me to put the oxygen on my wife’s mouth then telling her to push , I was excited , then I started reminding her how to breath ( she forgot the classes of course) and it was amazing when the baby came out (to lead) , he cried and the sun was just out we were on the tenth floor so all amman was looking up to him , and the sun came out to salute him , it was magical , phenomenal I never felt like that in my life , I took a step back to realize that My son came to this life and the hope and change did actually arrive as a gift from allah.

you will never understand the feeling unless you try going with your wives in the labor room… IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE .

Abdullah will be famous in one and a half decade or so , so hold your breath for that charming man when he comes knocking on your door showing you the best road to take to fulfil your own selves… I can almost see it.

Welcom home Abdullah